


Almost Like Caring

by Kika988



Series: Keithtober/Smoochtober [4]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Keithtober 2018, No Adam hate here, Past Adam/Shiro (Voltron), Prompt: Garrison, Sheith if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-05
Updated: 2018-10-05
Packaged: 2019-07-25 15:39:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16200533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kika988/pseuds/Kika988
Summary: There was a long, tense silence as the two men stared each other down."I don't know how you can still claim to care about him," Keith finally said, "and still put on those colors every morning." He gestured to the orange and grey casual uniform Adam had showed up in. "They betrayed him, and you know it. Youknowthere was no 'pilot error'."





	Almost Like Caring

**Author's Note:**

> In a serious departure from the rest of my Keithtober stuff so far, this is pretty angsty and deals with how Keith and Adam both grieved for Shiro. Of course, we don't know much about Adam, so I took some liberties here, but it was a cathartic writing exercise for me.

Keith woke up to the sound of a hoverbike pulling up outside, and for a brief moment, everything seemed okay. He'd just fallen asleep while waiting on Shiro, but now he was here and they could go racing, or just chill and watch some old movies on the tiny television he had out here, or-- 

As always, it only took a few seconds for him to fully wake up, and all of that to come crashing down around him. 

With a sigh, Keith pulled himself up off the lumpy mattress, pausing long enough to kick the half-empty bottle of vodka under the edge of the bed and out of sight. He'd learned several weeks ago that simply ignoring the knocks wouldn't work -- the door's lock was pretty shitty, after all, and the man on the other side of it was nothing if not persistent. 

Speaking of, there was the knock. Short and sharp and perfunctory, perfectly in character. 

"Coming," Keith grumbled, stepping around the couch. He got to the door and tugged it open admitting the tall man who was waiting on the other side. 

With a brief greeting, Adam swept into the shack like he owned the place, never batting an eye at the mess. He carried bags of groceries toward the little corner of the main room that served as a kitchen, with its fridge, sink, and hot top, and immediately started putting things away. 

"You've been eating more," he said approvingly as he opened the fridge and took stock. He put away the broccoli, carrots, lunch meat, and milk he'd brought before moving on. "That's good." 

"Yeah, well." Keith wasn't about to admit that Adam had been right when he'd admonished him for not eating enough, and that he'd started having dizzy spells last week. "I can do my own shopping, you know. I do work." He'd picked up a part time job in the town nearby, repairing hoverbikes. He spent most of his working hours trying not to think about where he'd learned the skills he used there. 

"Keith, the first time I showed up here, you were knee-deep in gas station food wrappers," Adam pointed out, as he did every week. "At least this way there's real food as an option." It only took a few minutes for him to put everything away. He left a chocolate bar lying on the counter and both of them pretended they didn't see it. 

Once Adam was done, he straightened, looking at Keith with one of those expressions he'd never been able to decipher. "How are you doing out here?" 

Keith raised a shoulder. 

"Okay, I guess." Aside from being unable to sleep enough, drinking too much, and wandering the desert at odd hours, but Adam didn't need to know about all that. As Adam looked Keith over, brown eyes shrewd behind his glasses, Keith couldn't help but feel like he knew anyway. He met Adam's gaze evenly until the other man sighed and looked away. 

"Fine. Is there anything in particular you'd like me to bring next week?"

"Why do you keep doing this?" Keith asked suddenly. "You don't even like me." Adam frowned. 

"I never disliked you, Keith." 

"I'm not sure I believe that, but it's also not answering my question." 

Adam opened his mouth, and Keith could almost see the sharp reply on the tip of his tongue, but he stopped, and almost seemed to deflate a little, losing his crisp Galaxy Garrison Officer posture and just becoming… Adam. The Adam he'd sometimes caught a glimpse of in his and Shiro's quarters. 

"You know as well as I do why I'm out here, Keith. It's what Shiro would want." Keith's jaw clenched at the mention of Shiro's name. "And for what it's worth," Adam added, a little quieter, "I always thought he was right about you. You have a lot of potential, and it's wasted out here. He'd hate that." 

"Don't talk to me about what he'd hate," Keith snapped, his temper flaring hot and sharp. "You want to know what he hated? His fiance abandoning him. Why the fuck would you care about what he'd want?" 

Adam's eyes fell closed for a brief moment before he was meeting Keith's angry gaze again. 

"I probably deserve that," he said without flinching. "But despite how things turned out, I still care… _cared_ about him. He'd want you to be okay, so I'm doing what I can to help with that."

There was a long, tense silence as the two men stared each other down. 

"I don't know how you can still claim to care about him," Keith finally said, "and still put on those colors every morning." He gestured to the orange and grey casual uniform Adam had showed up in. "They betrayed him, and you know it. You _know_ there was no 'pilot error'." 

"Takashi was an amazing pilot, but he was still human," Adam replied, his tone tense. "Everyone makes mistakes. That doesn't mean-" 

"You don't believe that," Keith said, interrupting shamelessly. "It was a long mission but an easy flightpath. I know you've seen the SIM. I don't know what happened out there, but it was not pilot error." 

"And how exactly do you think I'm more likely to find out what _did_ happen than by rising in the Garrison ranks?" Adam replied, tone sharp. There was a moment of tense silence as the two men stared at each other. 

"You-" 

"I'm not selfless enough to claim that as my only motivation," Adam said, his tone more even. "I love piloting, and frankly I don't want to give it up. But it is always, _always_ in the back of my mind that by staying I might somehow be able to find out what happened and clear his name." He paused. "The Garrison is many things and has many flaws, but it is not some great evil you need to defeat. If they're hiding what happened, there's a reason, and I want to find out what it is." 

Keith sank down onto the couch, suddenly tired as his anger left him in a rush. Adam watched him, took a half-step closer, but stopped himself. They'd never been close, not like that, and Keith was surprised at the pang of regret he felt at that. 

"I just… I can't. I don't know what I'm doing anymore," Keith admitted. "But I know I can't do it at the Garrison." Adam nodded slowly. 

"I understand, I think," he replied, and looking up at him, Keith thought maybe he did, a little, and he thought he should probably feel guilty about that, but somehow it instead helped ease something inside of him. "But don't think you're doing him any favors by wasting away out here." 

Keith didn't reply; he knew Shiro would be disappointed with him for washing out, but he couldn't stay there, even if he didn't really know what he was supposed to do now. Adam's gaze flickered up to the wall where Keith had started pinning notes a few days ago; Keith wasn't sure what they all meant, but he felt like _something_ was out there, waiting to come together. 

"Well," Adam said, and pulled himself back up to his full height, straightening into the Garrison Officer posture he held to so rigidly these days. "I guess I'll see you next week. Take care of yourself, Keith." He'd almost made it to the door before Keith replied. 

"...yeah. You too." 

The sound of the hoverbike speeding off toward the Garrison felt right and wrong at the same time, distant and recent memories overlaid on each other. Keith let himself imagine it was Shiro out there speeding away, and for a few seconds, everything didn't hurt quite so much.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments are always appreciated. 
> 
> Find me on Twitter at @B1ackPa1adins to cry over the boys with me <3


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